Don’t judge old people by their wrinkles
Posted by: laughlikepontianak on: 28 July, 2010
- In: Poems
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When an old lady died in the geriatric ward of a small hospital near Dundee, Scotland, it was believed that she had nothing left of any value. Later, when the nurses were going through her meagre possessions, they found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital. One nurse took her copy to Ireland. The old lady's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the North Ireland Association for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on her simple, but eloquent, poem. And this little old Scottish lady, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this 'anonymous' poem winging across the Internet: Crabby Old Woman What do you see, nurses. What do you see? What are you thinking When you're looking at me? A crabby old woman Not very wise, Uncertain of habit, With faraway eyes? Who dribbles her food And makes no reply. When you say in a loud voice 'I do wish you'd try!' Who seems not to notice The things that you do, And forever is losing A stocking or shoe? Who, resisting or not, Lets you do as you will, With bathing and feeding, The long day to fill? Is that what you're thinking? Is that what you see? Then open your eyes, nurse, You're not looking at me. I'll tell you who I am As I sit here so still, As I do at your bidding, As I eat at your will. I'm a small child of ten With a father and mother, Brothers and sisters Who love one another. A young girl of sixteen With wings on her feet Dreaming that soon now A lover she'll meet. A bride soon at twenty, My heart gives a leap, Remembering the vows That I promised to keep. At twenty-five now, I have young of my own, Who need me to guide And a secure happy home. A woman of thirty, My young now grown fast, Bound to each other With ties that should last. At forty, my young sons Have grown and are gone, But my man's beside me To see I don't mourn At fifty once more, Babies play round my knee, Again we know children, My loved one and me. Dark days are upon me, My husband is dead, I look at the future, I shudder with dread. For my young are all rearing Young of their own, And I think of the years And the love that I've known. I'm now an old woman And nature is cruel; Tis jest to make old age Look like a fool. The body, it crumbles, Grace and vigor depart, There is now a stone Where I once had a heart. But inside this old carcass A young girl still dwells, And now and again, My battered heart swells. I remember the joys, I remember the pain, And I'm loving and living Life over again. I think of the years All too few, gone too fast, And accept the stark fact That nothing can last. So open your eyes, people, Open and see, Not a crabby old woman; Look closer......see,.....ME!!
Sick Smile
Posted by: laughlikepontianak on: 12 October, 2009
About a category of people and ramblings on my observations at work. Have a nice read. 
Let me know what you think.
Oops… sorry, forgot to mention where it is. It’s in the Office Shit section. Look for that tab.
Return to Innocence search
Posted by: laughlikepontianak on: 12 October, 2009
I posted up the lyrics of the song ‘Return to Innocence’ by Enigma and my interpretation of its meaning.
Surprisingly, it’s the most searched for and read entry. So many people are looking for meaning in that very old song. Makes one think, doesn’t it?
There are that many people searching for meaning in life. Something about that song has got people thinking and the answer is hidden within.
Why is it harder and harder for people to know the meaning of life these days? I’m not saying I know already. Why is it that there are so many lost souls?
Where Underpants Come From – a book review
Posted by: laughlikepontianak on: 11 November, 2008
‘Where Underpants Come From’ is by Joe Bennett.
Another book review coming up in The Star! I will post it up once it’s published.
Dilemma of the modern single working woman
Posted by: laughlikepontianak on: 24 October, 2008
Does heaven or hell exist?
Posted by: laughlikepontianak on: 24 October, 2008
I wondered in the past, then forgot about it … and lately I’ve been thinking about it. Does HEAVEN or HELL really exist?
Most religions claim they do, but lately some discoveries tell me they don’t. Perhaps religion simply indoctrinates concepts of Hell and Heaven to force people to behave themselves for their own good.
I think Heaven and Hell are both on Earth itself. It is how and what you make of life here that determines which it is for you, but anyhow it’s always a combination of both because life is never perfect.
Past life regression recounts do not speak of souls relishing in cushy heaven nor burning in hell. Instead, it is just past life after past life. In that sense, reincarnation is a sure thing.
But then, my recent discovery of Erin Pavlina’s website told me a different story. Yes, the belief presented by her shows that reincarnation exists, but not as a compulsory thing. Instead, she claims that reincarnation is a choice. Souls are recycled. If they do not wish to be recycled, they can choose to be absorbed into a greater conscience and lose their identity.
This makes some sense. To lose an identity and all attachment to worldly desires and pleasures requires losing one’s ego and sense of self. That’s what is taught in Buddhism and perhaps certain religious teachings as well.
Most souls would choose to reincarnate because of attachment to Earth and self. In other words, they can’t let go so they go back.
I reflected on my past lessons on Buddhism, which state that reincarnation is not a choice. Nirvana is a point whereby reincarnation is no longer compulsory.
I’m no expert on religion or metaphysics, but this is what I gather so far. Any comments?
Son of a Witch – book review
Posted by: laughlikepontianak on: 21 August, 2008
Yes! Another review out in The Star. Here is the link: http://thestar.com.my/lifestyle/story.asp?file=/2008/8/17/lifebookshelf/1658611&sec=lifebookshelf
And here is the original version:
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Author : Gregory Maguire
Published by Headline Review
Published in 2007
ISBN 978 0 7553 4155 9
399 pages
Reviewed by Koay Ee Ling
A unique fantasy novel for adults
‘Son of a Witch’ is the fifth adult fantasy novel in the WiCKED series written by Gregory Maguire. It is something like a sequel to Disney’s movie ‘The Wizard of Oz,’ an all-time classic famous for its yellow brick road.
Prior to this book, Maguire wrote ‘Wicked: the Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West’ which is about how the Wicked Witch came to be in ‘The Wizard of Oz’. This book was a great success and received many good reviews.
Just as a refresher: in the Wizard of Oz, the protagonist is a girl named Dorothy who is blown by a tornado into the world of Oz. In this story, the Wicked Witch of the West is the villain whereas Dorothy is the hero. Elphaba, the Wicked Witch, was a green woman and supposedly pure evil.
Son of a Witch is the story of what happens after Dorothy kills the witch. Taking this as his starting point, Maguire built an entirely new epic journey with the focus on an obscure boy called Liir, instead of the focus being on Dorothy.
Son of a Witch is about Liir, vaguely suspected to be the son of Elphaba though nobody could be sure where he came from. Even Liir is not sure.
Maguire kept this mystery throughout the entire novel until the very end without making me frustrated or irritated. This is one of the factors which made it a good read for me.
He revealed it bit by bit in a series of memory flashbacks through Liir’s coma. Liir was discovered almost dead by a traveller who brought him to a mauntery – Oz’s strange version of a nunnery.
The old maunts (nuns) try to heal Liir and find out why some of their younger maunts were murdered, their faces literally peeled off their skulls.
The Superior Maunt, oldest and leader of the mauntery, remembers Liir as the little boy who was last seen tagging along with Elphaba. If Liir was found to be truly the son of a witch, he would be persecuted and crucified.
But then, we are never sure of his real identity until the very end. Instead, we’re brought through a series of adventures through his memories during coma and after he awakens from the coma.
The adventures are indeed bizarre and unpredictable. The plot gave me a number of pleasant and unpleasant surprises, which I would rather leave for the reader to find out.
I find Son of a Witch quite an ingenious piece of work though I was initially not quite used to Maguire’s style of writing.
He has his own peculiar style and does not use as much descriptive language as regular fantasy writers do. I had to use much of my own imagination to cook up images of his characters and sceneries.
However, I love the way the story is unravelled; even more so for its witty humour and creativity.
Yes, in Maguire’s Oz, nuns drink alcohol; some tribes of animals talk and get harassed to convert to the government’s religion; scarecrows are cunning politic-players and the prison is a maze under the city of Oz.
There is one particular scene in the book which still tickles me: Sister Liquor (nun in charge of the brandy store) swinging and singing on a ladder while ‘checking’ on the brandy.
I also love the episode where Liir travels to Oz with Dorothy, the cowardly Lion, Tin Woodman, Scarecrow and Toto. Maguire was very sarcastic in his portrayal of these characters.
This fantasy sparked from a children’s story is truly for adult reading and enjoyment. That’s how starkingly real it can be. I say this because Maguire revealed all the rotten sides of human nature, set in the magical world of Oz.
He explored different sexual preferences, political corruption, hypocrisy, perversions of human nature and religious oppression.
On a serious note, Maguire gave me a touching insight into the heart and mind of an orphan (Liir) while experiencing his insecurities and realisations.
Gregory Maguire has published five novels for adults and more than a dozen for children. His other adult novels are ‘Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister’, ‘Lost’ and ‘Mirror Mirror.’
His works have been published abroad and many titles have been translated into 8 foreign languages.
There’s a fly … on your back
Posted by: laughlikepontianak on: 15 August, 2008
(Sometimes even the slightest anomaly can be the funniest thing on a mundane day)
This Friday morning I went to work as usual, entering the office building lift with that bored-neutral-sleepy look like everybody else.
Three of my colleagues were also in the lift. I stood at the back of the lift with the 2 female colleagues. Our new male colleague stood at the front near the door, so obviously we had nothing to stare at but his back.
Suddenly I noticed a huge fly perched on his back, clinging on to his shirt. My eyes popped open while I pointed out to Alice, the colleague standing right behind him.
“Khm-khm-khm” she stifled her laugh while I still stared in surprise with mouth shaped in an ‘O’.
“Oh, my pet fly,” I whispered to her, my finger put against my shoulder to support an imaginary fly.
“KHM-KHM-KHM” she chuckled louder and added “Fifi”
This time I chuckled, “KHM-KHM-KHM” and added “Fufu … Fufu didn’t follow today”
“KHM-KHM-KHM, KHM-KHM-KHM” we both chuckled. By this time, the poor guy already felt self-conscious and realised that we were both talking about him. He glanced back but I think he wasn’t very sure what was going on.
I could see him fidgeting … khm-khm-khm.
We work on the second highest floor of the tower so there was plenty of time for the fly to enjoy the ‘ride’.
The lift door opened and we both expected the fly to fly away, but Nooo… the fly loved this guy so much. It started to climb higher up his back towards his neck! EWWWW!
Two of us looked at each other in shock and surprise, and started laughing out loud. The fly didn’t leave his back at all.
Poor guy … we must have made him soooo uncomfortable!
How to avoid shopping with girlfriends/spouses
Posted by: laughlikepontianak on: 26 June, 2008
Here’s a joke I received via email from a friend. I laughed until tears streamed down my cheeks. By the way, I did NOT write this joke, but I think some guy who is really sick of being dragged by the spouse to the mall wrote it! Walmart must be a really nice place to shop at. Otherwise, its name wouldn’t be used. Perhaps one day I will have the $$$ to fly to the US and shop at Walmart.
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
Walmart
Alternatives for the word ‘F-U-C-K’
Posted by: laughlikepontianak on: 28 May, 2008
Before I expound on my new-found discovery of alternatives for this infamous word, let us try to consider the origin of the word ‘FUCK’ and how it came to have such a bad reputation.
Some sources say that ‘FUCK’ is actually an acronym.
F = fornication… (meaning ‘to have sex’)
U = under
C = consent of the
K = king
FUCK was created during a dictatorship ruling in medieval England. People living in that short ridiculous period had to get permission from the crazy king before they could have sex. Since human nature is such that it inclines towards laziness, people started to pronounce the acronym instead of verbalising the whole phrase.
Some say that FUCK = For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge… an acronymic phrase given to sex offenders. Some others say that it originates from a few European languages. If you want to read a more comprehensive discussion of this, go to this link: http://www.snopes.com/language/acronyms/fuck.asp
Conclusion of the discussion: NOBODY CAN REMEMBER! So, who gives a fuck.
Anyhow, FUCK has a very bad reputation now. It is used as a swear word to insult and express extreme anger or frustration. Used with other words, FUCK gains depth in meaning and usage.
Personally, I think there is no better word!
For those of you who agree with me, but find it sometimes inconvenient to express this word in public, fret no more! You can still curse away with the same ferocity without being “offensive.”
Here is a list of verbs and nouns to cover up FUCK:
1) intercourse
2) coitus
3) penetration/penetrate
4) fornication/fornicate
5) tup – used in Shakespearen plays; crude word for animals mating
6) copulation/copulate
Examples:
1) Well, I don’t give an intercourse about what you think.
2) Coitus! Coitus! I forgot my keys!
3) Get the penetration out of my sight! Penetrate off!
4) Don’t take me for a fool. Stop fornicating with my mind.
5) Look at that tupping idiot. I hate that mother-tupper.
6) What the copulation do you think you’re doing?!
If you find 2-syllable or 3-syllable words a challenge for your poor tongue, here’s another option – ‘puck’. Camouflage FUCK with the letter ‘p’.
Example: That guy is such a pucker. He thinks he can just puck around without being caught.
Okay, that’s all for today, boys and girls. Happy pucking, intercourse-ing, coitus-ing, penetrating, copulating, fornicating and tupping, for life is short and the years don’t wait.
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